In this blog we will be looking at Part Three, Supporting Someone After a Suicide Attempt.
Welcome back Adventurers and friends to Adventures Inward Let’s Talk Series! For those who are here for the first time, hello! Welcome! Thank you for joining us!
This is going to be a 3 Part Series encompassing Surviving A Suicide Attempt, breaking it down as:
Part One: The Aftermath of Attempted Suicide
Part Two: Getting Support After a Suicide Attempt
Part Three: Supporting Someone After Their Suicide Attempt
For immediate help in the U.S., 24/7: Call 988 or go to 988lifeline.org.
Outside of the U.S., visit the International Resources page for suicide hotlines in your country.
In this blog we will be looking at Part Three, Supporting Someone After a Suicide Attempt.
So get comfy cozy, open your heart, open your mind and let’s get into it…
When a loved one attempts suicide, it's normal to be confused, frightened, or angry. It's also normal to have questions: "Why did they do this?" "Could I have stopped them?" These questions, in many cases, have no easy answers. But one thing is clear: After an attempt, survivors need support, and having a loved one by their side is often a key part of their recovery. Along the way, it's important for their loved ones to take care of themselves and make sure they seek help if they need it.
My loved one survived a suicide attempt, how can I be there for them right now?
It can be difficult to know what to say or do in the wake of a loved one’s suicide attempt—but unless you’re a trained mental health professional, what your loved one likely needs from you now is not for you to say the “right” thing. Instead, just be there for them, in whatever way they are most comfortable with. Check in regularly, even if just to say “I’m thinking of you.” If they want to talk about the suicide attempt, make an effort to listen empathetically and nonjudgmentally; ask open-ended questions and give them the space to sort through their difficult feelings in the wake of the crisis.
Don’t be afraid to ask directly if they are still thinking of hurting themself. Whether or not they are still struggling with suicidal thoughts, they will likely appreciate your willingness to address the issue head-on. In the wake of a suicide attempt, it's common for people to dance around the subject or act as if it is somehow shameful, which can worsen survivors’ mental health in the long-run.
Many people find that they feel anger toward their loved one after an attempt; while these feelings are valid, expressing anger toward your loved one in the immediate aftermath of an attempt is likely to be counterproductive. Instead, try to find an outlet for your own feelings—whether a therapist, a support group, or a trusted loved one—to make sure you are able to navigate your complicated emotions and support your loved one through theirs.
Practical help, too, can be valuable to survivors in the aftermath of a suicide attempt. Survivors may wish to locate longer-term mental health care—and if they don’t, you should encourage them to—but may be unsure where to start; helping them find a therapist or support group in their area can reduce their cognitive load and allow them to focus their energy on healing and self-care. Encourage and support healthy habits like eating a nutritious diet, regular exercise, getting plenty of sleep, and getting outside if possible.
I’m scared my loved one will try to hurt themself again, what can I do?
Helping your loved one set up a suicide safety plan (above) is a proactive way to make sure they have access to help and knows what coping skills they can call on in a crisis. While not foolproof, studies suggest that safety plans greatly reduce the risk of future suicidal behavior and promote self-care among suicide attempt survivors. If possible, limit your loved one’s access to lethal means, especially if they bring up suicide again. Beyond that, simply being there for your loved one when they need it can do wonders for their mental health and may reduce the risk of future suicidal behavior. Just be there unconditionally and non-judgemental.
I’m very distressed by my loved one’s suicide attempt, where can
I get help?
A loved one’s suicide attempt is deeply disorienting, and can trigger feelings of anger, despair, guilt, or loneliness; it’s common, too, for someone to feel that their loved one’s suicide attempt was their fault. But many who struggle in the wake of a loved one’s suicide attempt hesitate to seek help—in some cases because they believe they should be grateful that their loved one survived and feel guilty for experiencing other darker emotions. They may also feel selfish for needing help, believing that their loved one’s mental health should be the only priority.
But there is no shame in seeking mental healthcare after a loved one’s suicide attempt; indeed, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of them. Asking your own friends and family for emotional and practical support can be valuable, as can reaching out to a therapist or other mental health provider. Sharing the full scope of your feelings about your loved one’s suicide attempt with a trusted other can allow you to better cope with them, and will help you find the strength you need to support your loved one and help them get the care they need.
Remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and always always love yourself.