In today’s society, with all the pressures, expectations and influences from every direction, it is easy for girls to get overwhelmed, anxiety sets in and even depression if they feel they are not meeting the standard. Having tools available to assist them with the issues they will be facing is going to give them lifelong positive ways to handle their feelings and situations.
As we discussed in Part 1: Character Above All Else, I have spent the past several years doing research, going through educational programs and training, as well as discussions in group and one-on-one sessions with women on the topic of raising girls to be themselves, building character and feeling secure doing it.
Since there are so many vital areas and challenges to raising strong independent girls, I decided to create a 2 Part Series on the topic. I believe there is too much to jam into one video, possibly losing important sections by overwhelming you with information, thoughts and suggestions.
Before we get started I would like to Welcome you back Adventurers and friends to Adventures Inward Let’s Talk Series! For those who are here for the first time, hello! Welcome! Thank you for joining us!
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Today, we will be talking about Part Two in the Raising Girls Series and breaking it down further how to help girls build their positive character traits using tools available to them everyday. I will be breaking down in detail topics girls face today along with tools for them to put into their toolboxes to assist them.
You may want to get out paper and pen to take notes if you would like to create your own areas of priority that you feel may be important to you and your loved ones.
Get yourself comfy cozy, open your heart, open your mind and let’s get into it…
Let’s break it down and go over parts of my conversations with clients, community groups and research that were prominent topics and situations being faced in today’s society:
When they say I want to grow up to be like…..
Encourage them to say “I want to grow up to be the best version of myself”
Encourage them to think “I respect how “so and so” works hard, takes care of themselves, has fun and knows their value.”
Encourage them to not be afraid to go against the grain in order to embrace their true identity and be unique.
Encourage them to feel their feelings and that it is okay to be frustrated, angry, sad and cry. Let them know this is normal and it is important to talk about it. Talking helps them acknowledge their feelings and work out what those feelings are.
Encourage their creativity, their curiosity and desires to try things.
Using Role Models
It's great to have people to look up to and to have role models.
If a role model is being used it should be for their kindness, compassion, sportsmanship, self love, self awareness, taking accountability, having a strong self confidence and self respect as well as their talent and skills.
Modeling oneself after positive characteristics is exactly what a person should do as long as they know they are accountable for themselves, their words and actions.
Modeling one after another for their ability to be like top athletes, artists, musicians, and whatever they want to be is great for the structure, commitment, dedication, loyalty and wellness mentally and physically they instill in their daily routines and lifestyles.
Being a positive team player as well as performing for yourself needs to be balanced and know the priority in the situation. Lift others up along the way.
Instill in your daughter that everyone is their own person, so to imitate someone else is denying themselves and the world of what they have to offer by being themselves for who they are, not who their role model is.
I encourage research to be done on those who are considered role models. There are so many, especially popular singers, athletes and actresses who come across as one way but really have quite a few flaws that really can inflict negative impacts on one’s character and integrity.
Don’t get me wrong, we all have flaws and we all have areas we need to work on. No one is perfect. Mainstream media and the influential industries with big bucks know how to target our youth, pull them in and then slap on layers of negative influence. For example, if you take a good look at some of the lyrics of songs, the way artists dress and their priorities of wealth, clothes and jewelry along with other materialistic things you may be surprised as to what your child is being exposed to.
3. Building Character Outside of Athletics, Arts, Music, Their Passions, or Whatever It May Be
It's important to have character and integrity at every moment.
Get involved in community service with them.
Have Kindness and Compassion for everyone.
Do not allow skin color to determine who they are, their self worth or their popularity.
Economic status should not play a role in their dreams, their goals or their ability to love themselves.
Embrace their faith and/or their spirituality
Inner beauty is more valuable than physical beauty and should be made the priority. It's important to take care of themselves and to look the best that they can but it is not who they are as a human being.
Do not be arrogant, do not think or treat others as if they are lower than them. Remember, we are all here for the same purpose - to learn and grow, to be the best version of ourselves and to help each other.
Learn tools and techniques on how to deal with their emotions. Anger, sadness, depression, fear and isolation can be overwhelming feelings. Teaching ways to handle these feelings in a positive way can be lifelong gifts such as:
– Journaling
– Meditation/Prayer
– Turn up music and dance it out
– Running in place
– Use art such as Passionate Painting which is where they can take paint and throw it at a canvas or paper with passion, releasing the negative
emotions that may be pent up
– In the winter, go outside and throw snowballs at a tree
– Visualization is another wonderful tool. Have them run in place, imagining stomping their negative feelings into the ground under
their feet. Another visualization is throwing snowballs of negative
energy as far or as hard as they can to "destroy” them. They can use
waded up balls of paper to imitate this.
4. How To Handle Bullying and Doubters
It's vital to learn this and have tools available to deal with all these types of people and their negativity because this is something your daughter is going to deal with all of their life right into adulthood.
Their mental awareness will help them know when they are at a point they need to take a moment to feel their feelings, then move on. So how do they do this?
If they are in a position where they can walk away for a moment then do it; gather themselves and then move forward. If they are not in a position where they can take a minute to themselves then they should come up with a quick mantra to refocus. They can say “I got this”, “Im above their words/actions” “Let it go” or call upon their faith and say things to themselves such as “God, I need you”, “I need your hand, God” or they can even use their bully’s words/actions to fuel their determination even more and call on their inner lioness to push them beyond the negativity.
Once they get home, have them lay their head on their pillow, allow themselves to feel all their feelings, negative and positive, cry if they have to and then remind themselves that they are a good person and they are just as great as the next person.
Use a journal to write down their feelings. They can just be lists of words, short sentences, statements or even drawings. Journals are a great way to get out their feelings however they want. A benefit of it is they can look back and see just how strong they have become with each situation they faced, dealt with and overcame.
It serves to be a reminder that yes, they can do this and yes they can overcome challenges.
5. Embracing Failure
Failure is part of growth. This is such an important fact to remember, to embrace, to understand. If we don't fail, how does one grow? Learn? Explaining to our girls there is no such thing as a perfect person, everyone has failure, it is what we do with that failure and how we put what we learned to improve our situation and ourselves that will be a lifelong tool we can use regularly. Sure, there may be some embarrassment or frustration that goes along with failure but, hey, that’s going to build character in positive ways. Teach them to embrace every failure!
6. Encourage Self-Care
What does this entail? Everyone has emotional challenges such as sadness, anger, disappointment, fear, insecurities, depressions, as well as happiness, love, joy and excitement. Regardless of which one or combination of feelings your child is feeling, there are times when it can be overwhelming, overstimulating. So how can someone work through their feelings, especially the negative ones? Here are some suggestions that can be used for any age, just look on YouTube or look in your area for those who can assist:
Journaling
Getting out in Nature
Meditation/Prayer
Yoga
Breathing Exercises
Listen to Uplifting Music
Exercise such as Walking, Light Cardio, Dancing around your home
7. Stay Humble and Grounded
Humility is that quiet voice and power that reminds us to stay grounded and kind, no matter what. It’s a treasured virtue that binds communities and enhances our relationships.
Here are some suggestions to talk about:
Listen more than you speak
Acknowledge another’s strengths
Offer genuine apologies
Celebrate others’ successes
Practice forgiveness
Admit when you don’t know something
Seek and value feedback from others
Be mindful of your influence on others
Share credit generously
Respond to criticism with openness and not take it personally
Give respect and high regard to others and their needs
Practice gratitude daily (make a journal and write down what you are grateful for that day)
Recognize and accept your flaws
Maintain a healthy perspective on your achievements
Show patience and understanding
Avoid comparisons to others
Accept that you are not the best at everything
Embrace teachability
Practice mindfulness and self reflection
Perform acts of kindness without expecting praise
Be gracious in defeat
For further details on each topic mentioned, please see the YouTube Video “How To Practice Humility.” (coming soon)
My Final Thoughts
I am sure there is much more I can touch base on, have suggestions for and resources to point to. I will continue with this series, adding to it as topics come up in my meetings, client sessions and education.
If you have any areas you would like me to talk about, please email me at adventuresinward@gmail.com with your thoughts.
We all want to raise strong, independent and confident girls. It is more apparent than ever that our girls need empowerment, encouragement and support to be healthy and happy in today’s society. Let’s come together as a community and make it happen! Let’s build each other up and share the love and kindness each of us possess within.
Remember, to be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and always always love yourself.