I have spent the past several years doing research, going through educational programs and training, as well as discussions in group and one-on-one sessions with women on the topic of raising girls to be themselves, building character and feeling secure doing it.
Girls usually start off life at full steam. They are known as the early talkers, the social butterflies, the A students. But somewhere between preschool and middle school, a confusing blend of new social pressures, greater expectations in the classroom, and mixed signals from society such as “Do your best – but don’t draw too much attention to yourself,” and “You can be anything you want to be – but looking pretty is your top priority”, can cause girls to fall behind academically or even lose their spark.
Since there are so many vital sections to raising strong independent girls, I decided to create a 2 Part Series on the topic. I believe there is too much to jam into one video, possibly losing important sections by overwhelming you with information, thoughts and suggestions.
Before we get started I would like to Welcome you back Adventurers and friends to Adventures Inward Let’s Talk Series! For those who are here for the first time, hello! Welcome! Thank you for joining us!
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Today, we will be talking about Part 1 in the Raising Girls Series and how to help girls build their positive character traits using tools available to them everyday. This will be addressing how to put character above all else.
Get out paper and pen to take notes if you would like to create your own areas of priority that you feel are important to you and your loved ones.
Get yourself comfy cozy, open your heart, open your mind and let’s get into this…
Here are several areas where we can help with these challenging issues:
Encourage Assertiveness
Teach your daughter to express her needs to adults and stand her ground with her peers. If another child is being mean to her, encourage her to say "I don't like the way you're talking to me."
Be Specific In Your Compliments
When you tell your daughter how smart she is, it means so much more if you use concrete examples. Tell her "You have a really good memory" or "You sure know your dinosaurs."
Make Your Praise Match Reality
A third-grader will know that she's not a musical genius or the best artist on the planet, but she'll appreciate it if you notice her improvement from one month to the next.
Help Her Understand Why She Sometimes Gets Left Out
Explain to your daughter that if she isn't invited to every birthday party or to join every jump-rope game (and she won't be), it's not meant to be an insult. Explain that when another child says "You can't be my friend," it probably has more to do with that child's bad mood than it does with your daughter.
Encourage Competence
Don't be too quick to help your daughter with homework or chores. If she asks for help, ask her to try working through it for a couple more minutes on her own first.
Encourage Her To Play Sports If She Wants To
Girls have more sporty options than ever before. If she wants to do gymnastics or play football, give her a chance to get in the game and find out what she's capable of. Don't decide which sports are right for her, she can figure it out herself.
Don't Make Assumptions About Her Strengths and Weaknesses
Just because your child is a girl doesn't mean she'll struggle with fractions – or that she'll ace reading tests. It also doesn't mean she won't want to go fishing or try out for Little League. Follow her cues to best nurture her strengths and work on improving her weaknesses.
Encourage A Healthy Body Image
When she asks the inevitable "Am I pretty?" answer her with an enthusiastic yes. When you praise her appearance, try to highlight her actions, too: "You looked so graceful at gymnastics today" or "Your eyes really shone on the stage."
It can also be helpful for older girls to hear that models in magazines don't look like real girls or women and that their photographs are altered to make them look thinner and more flawless than they actually are.
Prepare Her For Sexism
Even today, some people think that girls can't do some things that boys can. If you notice your daughter watching TV shows or movies where girls stay in the background while boys save the day, point it out and talk to her about how different things are in the real world.
Point Out Positive Female Role Models
Take every opportunity to show your daughter that women – whether they are artists, musicians, senators, sportscasters, doctors, athletes, cooks,or even construction workers – can do anything. I strongly suggest that if you are going to use a specific person to introduce your daughter to, be sure to do your research first.
I was shocked at how many mothers were against using the famous people that society fawns over, especially one particular female artist, because of the lyrics in her songs and the imagery at her concerts, in her videos and her performances at award shows. When I looked into this, I was disappointed to find out the same truth. This goes for any person you want to use.
Remember to keep in mind the clothes worn as well (or I should say what little is worn) because this has a great impact on body image. Your child looks at this person as a role model, they are going to want to emulate them so be careful and cautious.
My Final Thoughts
We all need to be aware of how we are raising today’s youth, especially our girls. We are in a wave of changing times which is having an impact on our society in ways that have our youth having to make decisions that require them to be strong, confident and independent.
We have the ability to give our girls the tools they need, the support they deserve and the confidence that is their birthright to carry on as future strong women.
It is up to each of us, independently and together, to give our girls what they need.
Remember, to be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and always always love yourself.