In this blog we will be talking about losing a child to suicide and how to come to terms with your loss as well as navigating your way through the traumatic way of their death.
Losing anyone to suicide brings unimaginable pain. But the specific relationship of a child does play an integral role in how survivors can navigate their grief, come to terms with their life after the death, and find ways to cope in both the short- and long-term. What's more, few people can truly understand the loss of a child to suicide unless they’ve experienced it themselves; thus, turning to others who’ve undergone a similar loss is one of the most powerful tools at survivors’ disposal.
Before we continue, I would like to welcome you back Adventurers and friends to Adventures Inward Let’s Talk Series! For those who are here for the first time, hello! Welcome! Thank you for joining us!
In this blog we will be talking about losing a child to suicide and how to come to terms with your loss as well as navigating your way through the traumatic way of their death.
So get comfy cozy, open your heart, open your mind and let’s get into it…
For immediate help in the U.S., 24/7: Call 988 or go to 988lifeline.org. Outside of the U.S., visit the International Resources page for suicide hotlines in your country.
I’d like to go over what I will be discussing on the individual dynamics surrounding this topic:
Losing a child to suicide
How can I survive my child’s suicide?
My child died by suicide. I feel as if I failed as a parent.
Losing a Child to Suicide
The death of a child is every parent’s worst nightmare; the death of a child by suicide even more so. Most parents who lose a child in this manner feel like no one else will ever truly understand what they’re going through—and in a way, they’re right. A child’s suicide leaves a gaping hole in a parent’s heart, and the mix of horrible guilt, self-blame, despair, and anger often feels like too much to bear. Most surviving parents are tormented by obsessive thoughts about what they could’ve done differently; many struggle with suicidal thoughts of their own.
No parent will ever “get over” the death of their child by suicide, and they shouldn’t be expected to. But many do find that, with time, they discover a way to live with the loss and see meaning in life again. Seeking support—whether from loved ones, therapists, or support groups—and taking steps to honor their child’s memory can help parents make sense of their grief and regain a feeling of purpose.
How can I survive my child’s suicide?
Most parents who lose a child to suicide find that in the weeks and months after the death, they feel lost and worthless; some feel as if they’ll never experience happiness again. While these feelings are normal, it’s important not to isolate yourself as you shoulder this terrible burden. If family and friends offer to help, let them—and don’t be afraid to reach out whenever you need more support, whether emotional or practical.
Ask a loved one to find a therapist or a support group in your area, if you’re not up to the task; seeking professional help, along with connecting others who will be better equipped to understand what you’re going through, can help you manage feelings of guilt, despair, and shame.
Prioritizing self-care after a child’s death may seem frivolous or like a waste of time. But many bereaved parents find that making an effort to take care of their physical health—by exercising, eating right, and sleeping when they’re able—does help them better bear the burden of their immense grief. Self-care is, of course, not enough to soothe someone’s pain. But making as much of an effort as possible to not let it fall by the wayside can help more than someone might suspect.
Above all, be patient with yourself and don’t try to set a time limit for your grief. You have suffered an unimaginable loss; there is no right or wrong way to deal with it.
My child died by suicide. I feel as if I failed as a parent.
Losing a child to suicide does not mean that someone failed or was a terrible parent. Most people who die by suicide grew up with loving, supportive parents who cared deeply for their children and did as much as they could to help them.
It’s common for parents who lose a child to suicide to be tortured by thoughts about what a “good parent” would have done differently. But the reality is that even some parents who see their child’s problems and seek to help as early as possible are faced with this tragedy. Mental illness, substance abuse, bullying, and other risk factors for suicide are, in many ways, out of a parent’s control, regardless of how much the parent blames themselves or feels responsible for the death.
There may never be a way to make sense of the death or understand why it happened. But self-blame can be toxic and even dangerous; thus, it's important to seek help when feelings of self-blame feel like they're too much to bear. Parents who are experiencing their own suicidal thoughts should get immediate support by calling a suicide hotline in their country.
My Final Thoughts
Although there are key indications of someone’s thought process that could lead to one wanting to take their own life, it is important to remember everyone is different. Do not put a label on someone’s self demise thoughts and actions, especially as being a selfish act. Noone has the right to judge another’s feelings, their way of seeing their life through their eyes or how their situations are forming their ability to understand and cope. In the moment, you have no idea what was focusing them to do self harm. There is no straight answers you can put into a box and apply to everyone as a whole who are in suicidal tunnel. It is vital to open your heart, find your empathy and lead your loved one to discover their self worth by getting them help. Just be kind, give unconditional love and try your best to understand.
It is vital you find time for yourself, your mental and emotional health to come to terms with the trauma you have experienced. There is no right or wrong way, only what you feel is best for yourself. Personal suggestions, I have found finding outlets such as being creative through arts, journaling, writing, poetry, dancing, music, meditation, exercise, and hobbies help greatly with focusing energy onto. Memorialize your loved one with annual charity and fundraising work, doing something to help others in similar positions your loved one was in, or create events in memory of your loved one.
Remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and always always love yourself.