In this blog we will be talking about embodying your value and strengths along with feeling empowered and peaceful knowing who you are.
Welcome back Adventurers and friends to Adventurers Inward Let’s Talk Series! For those who are here for the first time, hello! Welcome! Thank you for joining us!
In this blog we will be talking about embodying your value and strengths along with feeling empowered and peaceful knowing who you are.
So get comfy cozy, open your heart, open your mind and let’s get into it…
First, let’s go over some key points on this topic:
There is a difference in inner and outer confidence. You must know and strengthen your sense of who you are.
Who you are is an evolving puzzle made up of multiple and contrasting pieces, not one static phrase.
When you can name and walk proudly with your strengths, you accept your weaknesses as a part of who you are.
As a young adult I greatly struggled with low self-esteem and a vanishing sense that my life had value. Clinging to others for a measure of my worth, I fell into a spiral of unhealthy thinking and behavior. At one of the many moments I felt like a total failure, a friend from a support group I was in saved my life. She showed me the power I had to create my future by knowing who I am.
One evening we were talking, as I was drowning in self-pity. She rose up, slammed me against the wall, and said, "You have no idea who you are. You are smart, you are strong, and for some reason, you deeply care about people. When you get that in here (she pointed to my heart), you will get out stop this way of self-torture." Her words gave me the courage to face my demons. She inspired me to focus on helping people discover their strengths and fulfilling paths.
That experience taught me the difference between outer and inner confidence. I had confidence in my skills and mental capabilities but I did not have a strong sense of who I was. I had always been acknowledged for what I did, not who I am. Yet who I am created the ups and downs of my life.
I learned who I am is an evolving puzzle made up of multiple and contrasting moving pieces. Who I am cannot be defined in one static phrase.
I learned from my research that we all have masculine and feminine sides, introverted and extroverted ways of relating, emotional and stoic ways of reacting… Authenticity is a unifying force in the constantly changing stream of experience. I discovered that we be aware of and embrace these complex and even contradictory self-aspects, knowing how they show up as strengths and weaknesses in our behavior in differing situations. We can then claim ourselves, powerfully and peacefully.
When I was doing my research on smart, strong women in the workplace, I found a common pattern: strong on the outside, unsure on the inside. The women could identify their performance strengths. They also could identify their weaknesses and often worried they would never be good enough no matter the number of achievements they racked up. But they struggled to name their strengths of character.
In the time following my research, I have found similar distortions in self-analysis in many men in the workplace. Most people develop a strong sense of “what I can do” and a flimsy interpretation of “who I am and can be.”
I discovered during my research a book that provided an exercise to help others claim their inner powers to match with their outer abilities. I discovered how to use principles of appreciative inquiry to identify strengths used in the past that can be claimed and embedded in one’s current sense of self to overpower situational fears. Let’s go further and break it down.
How to Claim Your Strengths
Claiming your strengths calls on you to release fear of judgment and your defense mechanisms shielding you from failure. When you walk proudly with your strengths, you can accept your weaknesses as a part of who you are as a complex combination of aspects, with different sides of you showing up in different situations. When you are asked about your talents and gifts, you won’t be embarrassed to share them. When you face a challenging situation, you can recall your strengths even when you are afraid of failing, also knowing what you can achieve.
Your skills and knowledge are a part of your self-definition, but you need to know what you did to gain the skills, knowledge, and wisdom you have.
Here are some ways to help you name your strengths from the inside out.
Know Your Powers:
Recall a peak experience where you felt fully alive and fulfilled.
A time when you overcame a major challenge in your life to complete a goal or important project. Think back to a moment when you were proud of what you achieved, what you endured, or what you did to lift others up. This moment could have occurred many years ago, or recently. Recall how good you felt about yourself at that moment.
List 5 to 10 character traits you possess that you called on to create this peak experience, including your:
Internal strengths and gifts
Strong emotions and attitude
Personal value
Unique sense/perspective
Consider items in the following list. These traits represent the strengths that make you great even more than your accomplishments:
courage, conviction, calmness under pressure, love of life, love for people, confidence, sense of humor, playfulness, flexibility, decisiveness, determination, integrity, grace, global perspective and acceptance, generosity, loyalty, honesty, enthusiasm, appreciation, faith, joyfulness, peacefulness, patience, curiosity, daring, open-mindedness, willingness to learn, creativity, empathy, compassion, appreciation of differences, respect, responsibility, commitment, positive energy, optimism, trust, and kindness.
The list is not complete… include your own words to describe what has helped you succeed. The items on your list add up to your personal power, your ability to confidently face the present and shape your future. Speak your list out loud regularly until you are comfortable claiming your powers.
My Final Thoughts:
Take in your power needed to make the impossible happen and keep in mind it has nothing to do with authority or competence. When you acquire this power, you can operate with a quality and integrity that frees you to take the risks and actions necessary to change the world. You must discover and claim your strengths so you can use them to transform the world around you.
The late activist Audre Lorde said, "When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” You serve us all when you embody your values and strengths.
Remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and always always love yourself.
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