In this blog we will be discussing Part Two of the 3 Part Series and talking about getting support and learning to cope after the trauma of a loved one’s death.
Welcome back Adventurers and friends to Adventures Inward Let’s Talk Series! For those who are here for the first time, hello! Welcome! Thank you for joining us!
This is a 3 Part Series on Coping After Suicide Loss. I will be breaking it down as:
Part One Navigating Post-Suicide Grief
Part Two Getting Support and Learning To Cope
Part Three Making Sense Of Stigma, Shame, and Discomfort
Get comfy cozy, open your heart, open your mind and let’s get into it…
For immediate help in the U.S., 24/7: Call 988 or go to 988lifeline.org. Outside of the U.S., visit the International Resources page for suicide hotlines in your country
Anyone who has lost someone to suicide can benefit from support, in whatever form makes sense for them. For many, this is a therapist; for others, connecting with a support group or a faith community can be healing. Others are able to cope with help from their family, friends, spouses, and other loved ones. Whatever form it takes, it's imperative that survivors have a safe space where they can process painful emotions, express any conflicted feelings, and come to terms with their loved one's passing.
Where can I get help after a loved one’s suicide?
Family and friends can be of great help to a suicide survivor’s recovery—offering both emotional and practical support (cooking meals, taking care of the funeral proceedings, etc.) that allows the survivor space to cope with their grief. Beyond that, talking to an individual therapist can help someone navigate their more difficult and confusing emotions; if the survivor is themselves experiencing suicidal thoughts, individual therapy is imperative (in addition to more immediate help from suicide hotlines or local emergency resources, if necessary). Grief support groups—especially those geared specifically toward suicide survivors, if available—are also a valuable resource, and one that can continue to provide support for weeks or months after the death.
Why should I visit a suicide support group?
Visiting a support group—and hearing others’ stories of love, loss, and healing—can be an effective weapon against the pervasive feeling of isolation that is common for suicide survivors. Support group members often take great comfort in knowing that their compatriots truly understand what they’re going through; in the safe space of a support group, they may finally feel comfortable talking about the more confusing emotions, like anger or relief, that they’ve hesitated to share with others. On top of that, the routine of regular sessions can help survivors escape from the seemingly endless despair and loneliness that can follow a suicide loss. And by forging bonds with others and getting a glimpse at their recovery process, survivors can learn more effective coping skills and start to envision how their own grief will become manageable over time.
My family and friends seem uncomfortable talking to me about the suicide. How can I let them know I need their support?
It’s normal for others to avoid or dance around the subject of suicide or seem awkward or nervous if it’s brought up. If a particularly uncomfortable person is a close loved one whose support would be invaluable, it can be helpful to share resources on how they can best be there for you during this period of deep mourning. If you’re able, it can be helpful to tell them directly that they don’t need to say the “perfect” thing, and that you know that they won’t be able to fix what happened. Let them know it’s okay to just sit with you and let you talk (or not). Even the most empathetic person may struggle to recognize how much their silence or discomfort is hurting you; thus, it can be helpful to let them know that others’ presence and understanding are often critical components of a survivor’s recovery.
Where else can I go to get support?
Many survivors find strength in faith communities, if they’re religious or spiritual. Reading books about suicide loss or other kinds of grief—especially personal memoirs—can also be helpful, particularly for those who aren’t able to attend a support group or share their story with other survivors. Connecting with mental health organizations that speak out against suicide stigma, or even starting an organization in the loved one’s name, have helped many suicide survivors make sense of their loss and honor their loved one’s memory.
How can I help someone else cope with suicide loss?
Someone who has lost a loved one to suicide is likely in desperate need of support from the people around them, even if they’re not always able to express it. Reach out to them regularly, and make it clear that you’re available to talk—or go for a walk, or just sit together in silence, if they prefer—whenever they need. Listen to their story without judgment, as many times as they need to tell it; it’s normal for a suicide survivor to repeat themselves or fixate on certain elements of the loss as they try to process it. Don't be afraid to say their loved one's name or ask directly how they're coping with the death; dancing around the subject will likely only heighten their feelings of isolation and grief.
If you have never lost someone to suicide, it's important to remember that it's emotionally devastating in ways that may seem overwhelming to others. Your loved one’s feelings will likely be intense; they may lash out at you, start crying unexpectedly, or seem to shut down at times. Thus, mentally preparing yourself for the strength of their emotions and accepting that their grief may come in waves will help you be as supportive as possible. Reading books or watching videos about suicide loss can be helpful in this regard.
Some survivors, especially in the immediate aftermath, will be so stricken with grief that they will struggle to manage day-to-day tasks; similarly, they may be too overwhelmed to deal with necessary arrangements. Offering practical support—whether that’s dropping off meals, taking on childcare, helping plan the funeral, or locating a support group in their area—can be enormously helpful as they work to keep their head above water.
Remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and always always love yourself.
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