In this blog we will be talking about common phrases used during conversations that indicate a lack of a person’s self confidence. So get comfy cozy, open your heart, open your mind and let’s get into it…
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Many experts allege approximately 85% of communication is nonverbal. Though this may be the case, I believe you can tell a surprising amount about someone’s personality through their choice of words.
One thing you can spot about a person during conversations is their level of confidence. However, we often miss these subtle cues.
With that said, if you want to get to know someone better, including yourself, pay attention if the following phrases are used in your conversations. If you find they are, then it is likely there is a struggle with low self-esteem.
1) “I Guess”
People who lack self-confidence are always unsure.
They never say things with assurance. Instead, they use phrases like “I guess” or “I think.” They either do not believe what they are saying or have no idea.
When someone uses this phrase before giving their opinion, the person is second-guessing themselves. It has been found that there is an overwhelming number of neuropsychologists that believe that this signifies insecurity, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence.
People who lack confidence may also use this phrase as a response. In this case, they agree with you but do not mean it.
A person who does this is likely insecure about their communication abilities. They fear disagreeing will lead to a debate or confrontation, which they believe they will lose.
2) “Whatever You Think Is Best”
People who lack confidence struggle to make decisions.
They struggle to trust themselves and always feel uncertain about their choices. This causes them to delay making decisions or, in this case, they will ask someone else to decide for them.
A typical example is when a partner or friend always says you can decide where you go for dinner.
Perhaps you ask them what they want to eat, and they respond with something like:
“I don’t know, whatever you think is best.”
“Whatever you prefer.”
While occasionally wanting to avoid making unimportant decisions is normal, if someone is always avoiding decisions, this suggests they struggle with confidence.
But why do unconfident people find it so hard to make decisions?
Well, if someone lacks confidence, they likely have an intense fear of failure. They constantly worry that they will make the wrong decision, leading to something unacceptable.
They might also have the belief that they never do anything right. So, to them, it’s easier for someone else to make the decision.
Some researchers believe the link between low confidence and poor decision-making is because both functions occur in the same brain regions. Other researchers believe they happen in separate areas but share the same neural signals.
3) “I’m Not Sure… What Do You Think?”
This is another way that people who lack confidence avoid both decision-making and giving their opinions.
When you ask them their opinion, they will quickly deflect the question onto you.
This is because they struggle to validate themselves, so they have more confidence in your beliefs than their own.
Of course, there are some situations where asking what the other person thinks is appropriate, but you should also give your opinion.
There is a big difference between seeking guidance and constantly looking for reassurance from others.
4) “I Think It’s Better If You Do It”
Here is another clear sign that someone does not trust their abilities – if they suggest you, or someone else, do something instead of them.
Here’s an example…
Let’s say you ask a colleague to do something for you.
Immediately, you sense their unease. But it’s not because they do not want to do it or do not have time; they believe they will mess it up.
This will lead them to try to get out of it, saying something like:
“I don’t think I’m skilled enough to do that.”
“I wouldn’t want to mess it up; it’s probably better if you/someone does it instead.”
In this example, you are not asking them to do something beyond their skill set. They have the skills to do it, they just lack the self-belief.
5) “I Might Be Wrong, But…”
When someone uses this phrase, they are essentially warning you not
to trust them.
Again, this shows the person’s complete lack of faith in themselves.
Moreover, people typically use this phrase when speaking to someone they view as better, wiser, more knowledgeable.
If someone uses this phrase, they are worried about being proven wrong.
So they start the sentence with “I might be wrong” or another type of qualifier to water down their statement.
This way, they subtly criticize themselves instead of waiting for you to put them down.
These people struggle to accept authority and see themselves as inferior to everyone else.
According to psychologists that have done studies on this topic, many people develop this belief about themselves because authority figures have criticized them before. For example:
Their parents might have always told them they were not good enough
They might have had a narcissistic partner who constantly put them down
A teacher might have always called them out on their flaws
6) “If It’s Too Much Hassle Don’t Worry”
As mentioned, many people who lack self-confidence seek constant validation and approval from others. So they are constantly seeking the advice and opinions of others. However, they feel bad about doing so.
People with low self-esteem also see themselves as an inconvenience or a nuisance. While they want support from others, they do not feel worthy of it.
So often, you will see these people ask for your help or an opinion and then quickly follow up their request with a phrase like “If it’s too much hassle, don’t worry.”
A similar phrase which they may start their request with is “I’m very sorry to bother you, but…”
Unconfident people see themselves as a burden, so they go around apologizing for their presence, which brings me to the following phrase…
7) “I Am So Sorry!”
For unconfident people, saying sorry is a default reaction to every circumstance.
People who lack confidence apologize for every small mistake they make and things that are not their fault.
This is because people who struggle with self-confidence always feel like they are messing up. They automatically assume they are at fault whenever something happens due to their lack of belief in their abilities.
They are doing themselves no favors by always apologizing. According to research, over-apologizing makes you appear insecure and causes people to lose respect for you.
A study published in The European Journal of Social Psychology supports this. The researchers found that people who do not express remorse possess “greater self-esteem and increased feelings of power, authority, and integrity than those who apologize often.”
8) “Oh It Was Nothing” or “I Just Got Lucky”
People who suffer from low self-esteem have a very poor self-image. They focus solely on their flaws and cannot see or accept their positive qualities.
So when someone highlights a positive quality or ability, they will reject or minimize the compliment.
For example, if you congratulate an insecure person on an achievement, they will likely say it was down to luck rather than talent or skill.
They also struggle to accept praise in the form of gratitude.
If you thank an insecure person for doing something for you, instead of simply saying, “You’re welcome,” they will say something like, “Oh, it was nothing.”
In this case, they struggle to admit they are a caring person who is capable of doing good things. This is a classic way that they downplay their good character.
Let’s Talk About My Final Thoughts
These phrases are like a hidden language of self-doubt. While we use them occasionally, if you notice someone over-apologizing, avoiding decision-making, or seeking constant reassurance, they may need a boost in confidence.
Moreover, knowing what phrases signal insecurity, you can be cautious not to use them whenever you want to come across as self-assured, assertive, and fearless.
Remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself grace, and always, always love yourself.
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